Hello everyone.  It has been a while, but I'm not writing a long post because no one ever replies anymore so I'm not wasting my time.

To tell you a little of what has been going on I now have been at my new job for 2 weeks.  It's called the ICT Group.  I'm a phone rep that helps callers get patient assistance programs for their medications if they can't afford them.  This program mainly gears towards the elderly, and low income families.  It's a great program, and montel williams does the advertising for it so if you ever catch his show you'll most likely see our number pop up.  I finally have insurance.  It's a great plan, and it's very inexpensive.   I enjoy my job, and their are many advancement opportunities, and I can got many raises, sick time, holiday pay, the whole package.  It's a very simple job.  Right now I'm just working 9-3p.m. Mon-Fri 30 hours a week, since hillary has two jobs and one of us needs to be home with layla at night. 

Our place is almost finished with the paint, any other projects we will handle after our stuff is moved in.  We just want to get in there, and we will worry about everything else later.  It has so much potential, and in time it will come.  It actually can pass as a 3 bedroom.  It's like a half size room of our other two so we are making that layla's play room/guest room.  We have a fu-ton, so if anyone wants to stay the night from out of town or something than they won't have to worry about the hotel costs.  This is the first time we ever had this luxury of an extra bedroom, so we are moving up in the world.  I love the fact I get paid every single week, and it just makes life easier to budget.  I think we are really going to make this work, and we will be together 2 years on the 27th as hillary stated on her site! 

Well that's it for now, if you want to comment you know what to do.  I'll write more at another time.  Bye for now!

Well it has been a hard week, but now I'm back in Pa.  I just hope things will get better between us, and I am really trying to make an effort this time to be happy here.  I want my family, and we do plan on going back to VA eventually but it will be a few years.  In the mean time I really am going to try to make this home.  I know I have to stop "yo yoing"  as my family says, and stick to what I want in life.  I had a chance to be a single guy, and being back home.  I even had a job offer, and could have had my own pad rent free but there was just so much of me missing during that time.  It was so hard to be away from my family on bad terms.  If we came to that decision together, rather than me leaving I would have felt better about it. 

I realize that my friends aren't going to be there forever.  By the way they were talking most of them after they get their BA at Liberty will be going straight home.  That made me realize that why am I trying to have something that will be here only a few more years, but why won't I work on someone that will be there forever.  After she took me back even for what I did I came to reality, and realized she really is the one for me.  I believe God brought us together, but I know he didn't want us to rush into things because when you rush into a relationship it makes things harder than it has to be.  I am glad we have family that is so willing to watch Layla, so my wife and I can still have some of our youth back.  I enjoy when we go out late at night to a restaurant like we did at College, or how we go on drives in the middle of the night.  Of course at College going out on drives isn't all we did, but you can get the hint.  I really think when we put our minds to it we really make things happen, and I really want to see us work out. 

I can't believe next month we'll be married 2 years, and by than Layla will be a 1 1/2.  In August we will be together 3 years.  That just goes to show you how fast everything happened, and how hard of an adjustment it is to all that happening in just a few years.  If you have the chance to wait, I suggest deffinately doing so.  Take your time, and take the easy jobs while you can get them.  Once your out in the real world you realize minimum wage jobs just don't support a family if you actually want to have a life other than work.  It was a big change for my life, but I am going to do my best to stick with it for now on.  Like her pastor says the longer you stay together the better it gets, and really since we are just about at the 2 year mark now i'm starting to say to myself, "We made it 2 years, why not try to make it 3."  That's the attitude I think others begin to have once they've been together so long, and have spent so much time together.  Just pray for all of us, and hope that things work out. 

I had an interview for a sports writing job that will pay really well.  The interview I thought was a success, and I just hope I get the job so we can get into the apartment.  That would be a blessing, and I know I would be perfect for the job.  Lets just hope it all works out.  Well that's all for now, but just be thinking about us when you have a chance.  Thanks again.

Well things are going not to well right now.  I know I made alot of dumb mistakes in the past, but I know now I have to pay for them and learn from them.  My wife and I are seperated for the time being, but I just while we are working on ourselves that this will be the last time we ever have to do this if we get everything worked out again.  I don't want our marriage to end, and I want us to work.  Right now with not being in our own place, and always having someone look over my shoulder is making me nuts.  I am so glad to be in a house to myself for a while.  I finally got a good nights sleep.

I know many of you may not understand why I did what I did, but there were so many things bringing me down.  I honestly feel we won't truly change until we are in our own place.  When you have the influence of your family it's hard to be yourself, because you want your family to accept you. 

Since I've been here I've realized the reason I like Virginia so much is that everyone is so kind to me here.  I don't even get called a name, and that's what I want between my wife and I.  To not call each other names, and treat each other with unconditional love.  I know I love her, and I want to be with her and if it's meant to be we will get through this.  I now realize to that living in our own place would make a difference also.  Than I can have my own routine, actually fall asleep in the living room every once in a while.  I mean come on I've done that my whole life, and what is so freaking wrong with sleeping on the couch every now and again.  That and I'm paying for my own internet, but since it's not my computer if someone else is on it too long I get in trouble for it so I don't get to use it at times if I would like.  My wife and I like to use the same cups, and sometimes we leave them on a coaster so we know to use it again, and we get yelled at for it and it's like how does anyone live like that.  I always like to clean up, but every once in a while I like to use the same things so you don't have to clean them all the time, and we just like to clean up before we go to bed, or I don't know it made me realize why I don't like living with family.

My family is the same way, but I'm staying at my step dads house so, therefore, I have it all to myself.  I love it!  No one looking over my shoulder, no one telling me what to do, or telling me how I need to live my life.  It's great!  That has played a big part of everything, and her family just shows love in a different way and while we are there I don't think she will change completely to show them the kind of love we both want deep down inside because she wants to fit in with them is what I think.  I could be wrong, but I think it plays a part. 

She has changed, and has really grown up.  Now I have to do my share of growing up, keep a job, and live in the same place for more than a few months.  Although I don't mind moving, but we don't have the money to keep doing it.  I am willing to go back to her, and work on the marriage. ...I might get a newspaper job there that will start in April, and that will get us in the apartment, but I don't want to go back to her grandparents.  I just need some peace in my life right now, and I don't want to go back to living with family.  At least at this place I'm by myself since they have another place.  I even have a chance to get a job at liberty to where my family can have free college education as long as I'm employed there.  Now I know everyone doesn't like Jerry falwell, but come on!  Who wouldn't want to go to College free?

We'll see what happens though.  I know I hurt her, and she's in a lot of pain.  I feel though if I just ran back now, because I don't want her to hurt than nothing is going to change and a week later I'll go right back to missing home speeches again.  I don't want to do that, and I want this to be the very last time we ever seperate.  If we are going to work, I want it to be it, and for us to be together forever without acting like this anymore.  I know I did wrong, but I feel I don't deserve to be yelled at every time I make a mistake.  Doesn't anyone else agree?  I know I've done my share of name calling, and haven't treated her the greatest either so I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong.  I know I did, and I shouldn't have left to come here the way I did.  I realize that.  I just no I need to deal with my pain, and learn my lesson or I'll never stop doing this.  My father played a big part of how I act, and I need to learn to not keep myself from following in his footsteps. 

I hope everyone is going to have a nice valentines day.  I never really had a great one before, so in a way i'm kinda thankful I don't have to worry about this years.  Last years ended up in a big argument, and at least we'll both have a peaceful one this year.  Just everyone keep in mind I do plan on this to work, but we just really need some time.  I hope I get a chance to see everyone here in VA, and make up for lost time. 

Well everyone it was great to see the steelers get one for the bus last night!  We went to a crazy superbowl party were there was dancing, some drinking, yelling, cursing, the whole package you would get at a bar with a few select huge steeler fans that i couldn't believe how crazy they were.  The food was great, the party was great, and it was just a great evening.  My poor little girl kept getting woken up at the yells and screams of the game towards the end.  What can you do though?  This event only happens once a year, and this night is for the adults.  That's what kids will learn as they get older.  We had a great time, and i was thankful for the others that were there taking a share in watching her so we could watch the game.  It was a very exciting superbowl.

The first quarter was a huge defensive stand as most superbowls start out with two teams feeling each other out after having two long weeks off of anticipation and anxiety screaming through their vains as they wait for kickoff time.  The second quarter Big Ben finally got the first score for the steelers with a very close call on the quarterback sneak at the one.  In my opinion though I didn't think he got in at first, but they reviewed it and the call on the field stands.  Halftime was a huge disappointment....

The rolling stones sucked!  The guitars weren't very loud, the singer was god awful, and i just wasn't feeling it.  Than came the third quarter.......

With willie parkers 75 yard run finally opened up the game.  I was grateful to see the steelers finally get into their grove to start playing some offense.  It seems that's how they start.  They start off slow like they did against cincinatti and then they somehow become onfire after halftime.  Could the steelers just be a 3rd quarter team?

Than on came the seahawks as I was only hoping for them to get too 17 so I would win, lol.  Matt Hassleback finally threw a touchdown pass too number 86, and I would have to check on the name for that because it's a receiver I don't remember since I don't follow the seahawks, but hey this is xanga.com not the newspaper so I'm a loud to do that, lol.  Furthermore, that made the 3rd quarter come to an exciting end making the score 14-10 as the commentators said most superbowls are over after the 3rd quarter aka DALLAS VS BILLS era, etc.

The 4th quarter the steelers put the nail in the coffin with the halfback option to hines ward that brought the steelers up to 21 now making the score 21-10.  Seattle, however, had nothing else going for them as the steelers completely shut down their star MVP Shaun Alexander.  What is with Alexander this post season?  Did he just shut down after all the kick ass running he did in the regular season setting the single season rushing record of over 1800 yards they had posted on television last night?  The skins gave him a concusion in their first game, and he did nothing against the steelers.  I guess it was just the steelers year after becoming the first wild card team to win the superbowl.  All I got to say for now is GO STEELERS!  Thought some of you die hard steeler fans might want a play by play since I was really bored and had the time.

Talk to you all later. 

Well it's about time I update again....

I am giving one more final effort, but too make this different I'm really going to try and put God first.  I realized the last few trips I made to Virginia by myself that I am in control of my own choices and I'm not completely helpless.  I realize I can be on my own and I'm not afraid of divorce anymore.  That's a big word and can be a big fear but I know I can make it if I have to...

I don't want to give up just yet.  We've been married just under two years so I would also like to be able to say I was married for 2 years and in a lasting relationship.  My daugther does deserve a chance as well so I would like her to know if it doesn't work out between us that I gave a valiant effort.  Doing it that way I think I will have more of a peace about it by really trusting God and if doesn't work out than to end it.  I know divorce is not God's plan, but God also doesn't want us to suffer.  That's why he died for us after all and for us to be free.  I am not going to suffer like my parents did and if this gets worse again by chance than I will no longer associate myself with it.  I would rather live in peace alone that be in something that is harmful emotionally too me.  We'll see what happens.

I can't wait for the fall.  I'm getting an associates degree so far.  If this semester goes well than I will continue to get my BA there.  I am starting to really understand how important school really is and I want to be able to have an awesome job when I get older.  Not jobs like mcdonalds or anything like that.  Yes people make a living off of it, but that is not how I want too.  I want to keep going to school as long as I possibly can.  Not for a doctrine.  Hell no that's too long, but at least for a MD possibly.  That would make my family proud, and prove them wrong.  We'll see what happens there too.

That's all for now everyone...I hope school is going great and cherish the time all of you have there.  You don't realize how lucky you were until you were out in the real world.